Our teens love to claim they are older when they are asking for a privilege: graduating from the kid's menu, a later bedtime, getting a cell phone, driving a car, and so much more.

But the truth is, we are doing our kids a disservice if we grant a privilege of age without also requiring an associated responsibility.

Growing up means taking on more and more responsibility and, in turn, having the freedom to make choices for yourself. But if our kids are getting the benefits of being older without the responsibilities that come with it, why would they ever choose to grow up?

Take cell phones for instance. If I give my son a smartphone with (fairly) unlimited data, what is his motivation to work or move out knowing that when he does he will have to pay for those things himself? Why wouldn't he just live with me and keep the phone (and all the other free stuff I give him)?

When my son and I agreed it was time for a phone, I gave him a choice. He could use a simple trac phone that provided the services I needed him to have, or he could work to earn the money he needed to upgrade his phone (and data allotment) to something he was proud of.

The sooner our kids learn that they have the power to change their situation with hard work, the closer they are to being ready for the real world.

Want more examples of the privilege-responsibility model?  See below.