Parenting siblings is not about making everything fair.

I have two amazing kids, Jack and Kate. If you've been following me for a while, you've probably heard a few Jack stories along the way. He's my oldest and the one that taught me the most about how to parent.

Since day one, my daughter has shown an incredible sense of independence and self-sufficiency. Sure, she's not immune to making mistakes or needing guidance, but if you dropped her on a deserted island, I have no doubt she'd turn it into a luxurious paradise charging $1,000 bucks a night within five years. That's just how capable she is.

So, what has Kate taught me? As an only child, I initially believed that I should treat each of my children exactly the same. That notion quickly proved to be a fallacy. It became clear from the start when I found myself trusting my four-year-old with putting my credit card back in my purse while hesitating to trust my nine-year-old with the same task.

Parenting requires us to adjust our approach to teaching responsibility and granting privilege based on our children's unique capabilities.

How did this difference look at home with privileges? With Jack, I was constantly monitoring and limiting his screen time because he was always pushing the boundaries. Even when I gave him an hour, he would continue playing beyond that and claim he was "waiting for me to tell him to stop." On the other hand, Kate would voluntarily bring me the iPad after her hour was up. This led to a more peaceful relationship and an extension of further privileges.

When it comes to granting privileges to your children, it should be based on the level of trust you have in them, not on arbitrary milestones. You know the familiar complaint, "Mom, it's not fair! Susie got a phone at 13, and I didn't." Fairness shouldn't be determined by age milestones like "all kids get a phone at 13." Instead, it should be based on a child's ability to demonstrate responsibility in using it.

You are being fair when you grant a privilege based on a consistent expectation of behavior.

Below, I've compiled a list of 13 privileges that I believe should be earned through a proven track record of reliability and responsibility. This list isn't exhaustive, as there are countless other privileges to consider. I just wanted to get your mind thinking in the right direction and help you see the strategy behind trust-based privileges.

Enjoy!